I need some advice and being that most of us are parents, i’m hoping you can help me.
In Aug of last year my mil passed, she took her own life. we broke the news to our then 3 yr old and 2 yr old. we did not tell them how, just that she was gone. well my 3 yr old struggled with it for a while.
i tried counseling, but the counselors out here, will only see children 8 yrs and older. someone suggested i try a playgroup, but my insurance won’t cover it and i don’t see how that would help.
so i took my own initivative and made a memory book with my kids and took them by the grave sight 1 a month to visit.
Mothers day, we went and visited the gravesite, and monday was suppost to be her birthday. well since then my daughter has been crying and talking about her constantly. saying how much she misses her.
what am i suppost to do, any advice?
i’ve tried telling her she’s in a better place(we are not really religous), we have other grandparents, everything.
i know maybe just let her talk, but it’s hard to think about, because of the situation that happened.
any advice, would be greatly appreciated
Wow, that’s a tough situation to deal with. Make sure you talk to her about all the great times with grandma and let her talk; it’s important that she feels like she can come to you when she needs to. It may be tough to deal with but that’s why you’re the mama – you can handle it. Let her know that you miss her, too, so that she knows she isn’t alone.
This is a tough situation. I buy the book The Next Place when someone I know loses someone close to them. It isn’t “religious” but does refer to the next place, like Heaven. I highly recommend it. You can buy it at Barnes & Noble.
My girls lost a great grandmother around the same age, and obsessed over the death. They just wanted to talk about it and talk about it til I wanted to pull my hair out, but I just let them bring it up as often as they wanted, and kept repeating the same answers. Remember at that age for children developmentally they just thrive on consistancy (like reading the same bedtime story everynight). Like everything they will eventuall move on, but as long as you are open and not afriad to talk or answer questions that is the best way to handle it.
By the way my sister is a child life specialist and a grief expert for kids. She has counceled many kids who have lost siblings and parents to cancer, and heart issues and she told me that was the perfect way to handle it at there age. I promise they do eventually move on you just have to be patient and positive.
On a side note, I am so sorry for your loss, that is incredibly difficult. Stay strong, and your children will follow your example.
This is a difficult situation. Children at such a young age don’t really understand to reason and just experience the feelings of loss.
My only suggestion is to comfort your daughter and tell her that Grandma isn’t really gone since her memory will always live within your hearts. Let her know that you miss her too and that it is alright to feel sad.
I lost my Grandpa at age 5 and I still think about him daily. I still miss him! My Grandma lived to be 93 and I lost her last March. The strange thing is I loved her dearly and miss her but I honestly think about my Grandpa more often. I believe it is because as a child his death left such a huge impression on me.
Wow that is really hard. I have not been in a similar situation, so only can say how I would handle it. I am not really religious either.
When I was 5 my aunt passed and to this day I try to bring my kids there at least once a year. My daughter talks to her gravestone and brings her flowers. I see nothing wrong with them talking to the grave stone and maybe making sure they visit them as often as you wish to allow it. It’s a way to allow your child(ren) to connect with their grandmother in a healthy way.
I wish you luck and hope you get some advice that works for you!